untitled
today has sucked.
ive slept for only a few hours. no matter how late i go to bed, i cant seem to sleep past nine am if i am lucky.
of course ive already had confrontations with my idiotic neighbors. whatever. then paul called me and i ended up hanging up on him again because he felt the need to remind me how redbull is bad for me. first thing, yes duh, but the way he does this shit is what pisses me off. he has to release some disclaimer everytime hes about to do his paternalistic thing, so he says he i know you already know this but like redbull is really bad for you. i get more and more uncomfortable talking to him the more it happens so i feign neurotic because im terrible at setting boundaries. but really i need to just tell these idiots to fuck themselves. what does it matter? i tried to tell him to stop doing this and he once again dismissed what i was saying adn tried to guilt me like hes just being a good friend. I DETERMINE THAT BROTHER, NOT YOU. he says the n word apparently, like thats at all normal anyway so he can fuck right off.
my animals missed me because i stayed out late last night, so theyre being unruly. i am not sure how to train them because their childhoods were horrible, so this is osmething we have to work on. i caught george eating the cats shit again out of the cat box, then later found ben doing the same shit. my porta wash in the tub so the cats box is on the floor. UGH!
last night i went to a guys house i met on facebook. i did it because of all the synchronicity in our talks. hes from my town, and acted like he'd watched all the PTK videos. i realize now he was just posturing like the immature degenerate he is, on top of having perm brain drain from idiotic drug use. this clown said he once jacked off for 18 hours. i said yeah meth will do that and he laughed and yelled YEP maniacally. like, uh, okay ?
anyway. wasn't cute how i thought, was alright as a host but the thing that was most prominent in my mind the whole time was how there was zero connection. he was enamored with me and said i could stay there if it got too late. his house and dog stank, i really wanted to leave but he seemed so lonely, and i couldnt find the right moment. i tried to chainsmoke outside to be repellant. he commented on cigs but it really didnt phase him. we eventually were in his room to "cuddle," ugh, and watch serial killer movies (like what the fuck, ew, gross, nOw ThAtS eNtErTaInMeNt-wtf) and ended up getting into an argument. he was straddling me, not aggressively, but just sitting on me while trying to find something to watch. he kept boasting about how organized his movies were and quizzing me on the names and stories etc etc., knowing how invested i am in this field. this guy was an idiot. he started making fun of one of the SK, saying how he was a liar and didnt do this or wasnt involved in that, and i was like bro youre dumb, this mans service is public record. especially now since the FOIA documents have been purchased, ahem, and released online. he became childishly argumentative and blah blah ended up saying, wHy YoU getting mad blah, because i dont agree "with your opinion," - I'd had enough.
i told him to get off of me, i was leaving. im not gonna sit there and argue, which is ironic because he kept asserting the whole night how stupid everyone is these days for arguing and debating, its like just meet somewhere and duke it out or stfu. so i said get up. and he wouldnt. he said no and i panicked in my guts.
i immediately thought of mark latunski. im too irritated rn to map out the parallels between these two nuts but a lack of mental and sexual boundaries and drug use, etc. so i said what is this false imprisonment, which immediately disabled him and he moved, heaving a sigh like omg you're gonna pull this card, okay. and i immediately got my shit and left. hes texted me twice and then i blocked him.
i emailed my high school guidance counselor. she saved my life and i just had to let her know that i was always thinking about her.
i listened to mark kozelek today and i think i finally know who i am. i really wish i could find an independent therapist because i want to raise my quality of life and i just cant with all this weight on me. im doing okay all things considered but i will never stop doing better.
i bought a new pistol from the gun shop. got pulled over by a cop with it sitting on my seat and he gave no fucks. i feel like an adult now and i want to live the best life i can. im so tired of everyone blaming everyone else for their issues and now people are killing each other on live tv while the viewers debate on the ethics of it all. FCK i hate these people and I never though i would say this, but I really feel fucking bad for the NPC cops and the good ones.
Mark live
ive slept for only a few hours. no matter how late i go to bed, i cant seem to sleep past nine am if i am lucky.
of course ive already had confrontations with my idiotic neighbors. whatever. then paul called me and i ended up hanging up on him again because he felt the need to remind me how redbull is bad for me. first thing, yes duh, but the way he does this shit is what pisses me off. he has to release some disclaimer everytime hes about to do his paternalistic thing, so he says he i know you already know this but like redbull is really bad for you. i get more and more uncomfortable talking to him the more it happens so i feign neurotic because im terrible at setting boundaries. but really i need to just tell these idiots to fuck themselves. what does it matter? i tried to tell him to stop doing this and he once again dismissed what i was saying adn tried to guilt me like hes just being a good friend. I DETERMINE THAT BROTHER, NOT YOU. he says the n word apparently, like thats at all normal anyway so he can fuck right off.
my animals missed me because i stayed out late last night, so theyre being unruly. i am not sure how to train them because their childhoods were horrible, so this is osmething we have to work on. i caught george eating the cats shit again out of the cat box, then later found ben doing the same shit. my porta wash in the tub so the cats box is on the floor. UGH!
last night i went to a guys house i met on facebook. i did it because of all the synchronicity in our talks. hes from my town, and acted like he'd watched all the PTK videos. i realize now he was just posturing like the immature degenerate he is, on top of having perm brain drain from idiotic drug use. this clown said he once jacked off for 18 hours. i said yeah meth will do that and he laughed and yelled YEP maniacally. like, uh, okay ?
anyway. wasn't cute how i thought, was alright as a host but the thing that was most prominent in my mind the whole time was how there was zero connection. he was enamored with me and said i could stay there if it got too late. his house and dog stank, i really wanted to leave but he seemed so lonely, and i couldnt find the right moment. i tried to chainsmoke outside to be repellant. he commented on cigs but it really didnt phase him. we eventually were in his room to "cuddle," ugh, and watch serial killer movies (like what the fuck, ew, gross, nOw ThAtS eNtErTaInMeNt-wtf) and ended up getting into an argument. he was straddling me, not aggressively, but just sitting on me while trying to find something to watch. he kept boasting about how organized his movies were and quizzing me on the names and stories etc etc., knowing how invested i am in this field. this guy was an idiot. he started making fun of one of the SK, saying how he was a liar and didnt do this or wasnt involved in that, and i was like bro youre dumb, this mans service is public record. especially now since the FOIA documents have been purchased, ahem, and released online. he became childishly argumentative and blah blah ended up saying, wHy YoU getting mad blah, because i dont agree "with your opinion," - I'd had enough.
i told him to get off of me, i was leaving. im not gonna sit there and argue, which is ironic because he kept asserting the whole night how stupid everyone is these days for arguing and debating, its like just meet somewhere and duke it out or stfu. so i said get up. and he wouldnt. he said no and i panicked in my guts.
i immediately thought of mark latunski. im too irritated rn to map out the parallels between these two nuts but a lack of mental and sexual boundaries and drug use, etc. so i said what is this false imprisonment, which immediately disabled him and he moved, heaving a sigh like omg you're gonna pull this card, okay. and i immediately got my shit and left. hes texted me twice and then i blocked him.
i emailed my high school guidance counselor. she saved my life and i just had to let her know that i was always thinking about her.
i listened to mark kozelek today and i think i finally know who i am. i really wish i could find an independent therapist because i want to raise my quality of life and i just cant with all this weight on me. im doing okay all things considered but i will never stop doing better.
i bought a new pistol from the gun shop. got pulled over by a cop with it sitting on my seat and he gave no fucks. i feel like an adult now and i want to live the best life i can. im so tired of everyone blaming everyone else for their issues and now people are killing each other on live tv while the viewers debate on the ethics of it all. FCK i hate these people and I never though i would say this, but I really feel fucking bad for the NPC cops and the good ones.
Mark live
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